Divorce In Middle Age: Control Issues In Marriage

I am someone who is getting a divorce in middle age. Since my separation from my husband year before last I have read a number of divorce books. One that was recommended to me by a friend covered control issues in marriage very well. The book for my divorce support book touched on it briefly in one chapter, but this book made it the tenet of the whole book and why marriages fail frequently.

The book is an oldey but a goody. It was written in 1982 and revised in the 90s but divorce really has not changed much if at all. The name of the book is “Crazy Time” and that refers to the one or two years after your separation.

I certainly experienced Crazy Time and still am technically in it since it has not been two years since my separation yet. I still feel intense anger, sadness and denial over the situation from time to time although those occasions are farther and fewer between as time moves on.

Divorce in Middle Age

The book deals with some of the darker aspects of divorce; the kind that you read about in the paper when violence occurs. It also deals with just regular amounts of feelings.

The book tells a lot of stories about various marriage failures which you may find helpful. Typically, it states, one of the partners is dominant and one submissive. Over time this arrangement leads to chafing on the part of the submissive partner.

I personally did not have a lot of control issues in my marriage because I was the child of two people who really, really did. They battled it out continuously and finally got divorced when I was in college and they were middle aged. I did not want to repeat that in my marriage so went to all kinds of trouble to learn to negotiate with my husband in an assertive manner as much as possible.

Divorce in Middle Age: Same problems next time if you don’t change

If you did have control issues in your last marriage after a divorce in middle age, those same issues are likely to pop again in your future marriages unless the issue is realized and addressed within you. From personal experience with my parents I saw this happen. My father finally went to counseling in his second marriage after the same control issues popped up once again. He now has a better handle on it and has been together with my step mom for almost 30 years.

The book was probably my least favorite of all the books I read. I think mainly it might have been because I read it later rather than earlier so did not really learn anything new. Also it was full of examples that I found boring.  However, if you feel control issues in marriage were a major factor in your divorce, I would highly recommend it.

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