Dating Help After Divorce

If you are recently divorced or separated, like me, you may be wanting some after divorce dating help.  I have covered the topic over several posts, but in this one I want to talk about red flags and dating.

One night in my divorce support group we were talking about why you chose the spouse you did. The discussion was supposed to be centered around how many people pick a spouse who is like a parent they had issues with and how you try to resolve your issues around them with your spouse. Instead of talking about that we somehow got off on a side track about “Red Flags in Dating”.

The topic really stuck with me so I did some research on and found this great book called “The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags: Relationship Warning Signs You Totally Spotted… But Chose to Ignore”


This wonderful book is a laundry list of all the things to look out for in a man.  The authors of the book first started a blog about this subject, then they got tons of comments and eventually they turned the blog into a highly useful dating book.

If you are middle aged and recently divorced like me, I am sure you want to do the best you can to avoid making another mistake in your next relationship.  You also may have forgotten about all the bad types out there since it has been so long since you have had to think about dating. The problem is that many of those bad types have now gotten divorced and are clogging up the middle aged, post divorce dating pool you are searching in.  The book should help you quickly spot the various red flags.

Red Flags in Dating by Type

The book sections are arranged by flag type and include:

  • signs that he is not really your boyfriend including being a player or gay
  • signs that he is a child including not being able to take him out in public without getting embarrassed
  • signs that his bedroom behavior is less than desirable including he is bad and does not care
  • signs that he does not love you including being a control freak
  • signs that he is a bad catch including that his family is horrible

As I got to the end of this book, I realized that just about every guy I had ever dated in my whole life fit into one or more of the Red Flag categories. I was a little discouraged about my dating discernment abilities until I got to the end of the book. The summary at the end of the book explains that it is hard to get away from every single red flag that there is. Instead of trying to do that, just knowing what they all are and thinking about them leads you to be able to decide which ones are deal breakers and which ones are just strikes.

I met someone recently who had the red flag mentioned in the book of  “He’s The Worst By Association” in that “all past girlfriends are crazy”.  According to the book, this type of person prefers to help women who have had a rough past and may not find yours rough enough. Luckily he brought this issue up himself and said that he was done with that behavior.

After Divorce Dating Help

Red Flags in Dating

Hopefully those of us who have been through divorce have done a lot of soul searching and discovered at least one or two patterns in our past that have caused us problems in our failed marriage. Even if a man has had a red flag in his past, he may have moved past it in his present so make sure you find out.


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