Myers Briggs Dating Advice For Middle Aged People

If you are like most middle aged, post divorce people, you probably want to make sure you do a better job picking someone to marry this time around than you did last time. I know I sure did.  I found Myers Briggs dating advice,  in theory, can help you find a good match.

I met a guy online right after my separation who told me “I only date NFs” and could not believe that I was  an NF even after I took the test online and told him about it, because he said that was impossible since I was trained as a scientist.  This odd statement fascinated me more than he did and I began a quest to study Myers Briggs types and how it can be used for dating.

I have been studying Myers Briggs dating advice compatibility theories and there are more than one so you will have to pick which rings true for you. They are not very well studied since Myers Briggs is primarily a tool for assessing your work abilities. However, I have studied the various MBTI dating compatibility theories and the one espoused by this one website seems to have a lot of merit to me.

To test your MBTI type click here.

Once you know your MBTI type, look at the circular chart below of MBTI traits.

Myers Briggs Dating Advice

Myers Briggs Dating Advice

To find your 3 best match types, you find your own type, then read the type above or below you depending on which circle you are in. The best match is the one directly above or below you.  Other matches are near by but you can’t use the circle to find it every time.

So for example, if you are INFJ, then your ideal match is above you, ENFP, and your alternate matches are INTJ to the right and ENTP, up and to the right.
This leaves you with between 7% to 29% of the population depending on what type you are and if you use the high or low numbers for population estimates for type.

My husband is my ideal type according to this method. We separated after 20 years because he realized he was gay so maybe there is something to this method since we are still great friends.


More Myers Briggs Dating Advice

If you find that matching system too limiting, another article I read about MBTI and matches said that the main thing is that the two middle letters be the same. So if you are NF, then you should be with another NF. The most common pairing however is ST and NF but studies show that these couples report more unhappiness.

While this will leave you with a lot more choices, that still may not be enough. I know that my best friend has been married 40 years (!!) to a guy who is not close to a match according to either system so even though they are not a match that through MBTI, they manage ok on other levels and she just complains about how emotional and illogical he is when they argue but they still are together and pretty happy.

A great book on finding out how you will fare with other Meyers Briggs types is :

I found this book scarily accurate. For instance it described the recurring conflict that my husband and I have had for 20+ years to a tee!  It does not really say which types are better together although it does say that some matches pose a challenge; very understated.

The book also has a great intro that helps you decide what MBTI type you are and people you know are even without an online test.

Remember that most people are not 100% any one type. When you get tested you get put as 1 to 50% of any type. Since each letter has two choices you could in theory be perfectly balanced between E and I, N and S, T and F, J and P.  So a person who is your match mostly but not all the way still may be perfectly fine. My husband is pretty balanced between N and S and we still do great.

Finding someone who is a good emotional match is just one aspect of attraction. You also need to find someone who is physically, mentally and spiritually attracted to you and you to them, according to John Gray. Tall order!

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2 Responses to “Myers Briggs Dating Advice For Middle Aged People

  • Being an extreme introvert I think I can give an insight into how the test could be used (int the way we can go to extremes to clarify a position, or idea). To me extroverts are like an alien race. To find a mutual connection and understanding would simply be impossible. And in my experience it is. The test should be used, but the match should be EXACTLY the same as you. How else are you going to understand each other, and “get” each other, if you are not the same?

  • Aging Boomer
    3 years ago

    I don’t agree. I dated someone who was the same type as me and it was really boring. Also I was married to someone for 20 years who was a complimentary type (he now is gay so we parted) and he would be able to do things I would not and vice versa; for example I can do the bookkeeping and he can do the negotiating.