Physical Attraction Women Are Different Than Men

Physical attraction Women are different then men

If you are middle aged and just starting to date online you may be wondering how physical attraction psychology works for men and women; Is it the same or different?  My two favorite dating books, Mars and Venus on a Date and The Rules of Dating books, answer this question very thoroughly.

Physical Attraction Women

Physical Attraction and Women

The Rules for Dating books stress that men have a unique type of physical combination that they prefer in a woman. Because of this a woman will save energy if she waits for a man to approach her first. Men have physical types that they prefer WAY more than women do.


This may be discouraging if you have a crush on a guy but you know that his former wife and everyone he hits on looks nothing like you.  This is a tough one and it is hard not to think that you could change his mind.

Or if you are on a dating site and not getting many responses of any kind or of the kind you want, you may think, for example, that if you were just 5’4″, platinum blonde, size C cup and size 2 pants you would be able to get any guy you wanted. But that is not true. You may get MORE hits but not all of them.

Men tend to have VERY specific types of body that they will hit on over and over again; like one will like tall, narrow, red head and flat chested. Another will like stick thin, tall and brunette. Another will like someone like me, wide, tall, blonde and extra curvy. A fourth will like short, medium width and size DD chest and up or whatever.

The men will often tell you when they meet you online that you are their type and why.  This is true especially at middle age because they have tasted all the flavors and know exactly what kind they like.  If they like breasts or butts of a certain size or shape, be prepared to hear it. It is not pleasant but they think they are saying what you want to hear, so try to be nice about it.

I never knew about types till I got divorced. Now I notice that men of all ages with wives or girlfriends walking next to them who are tall, wide and blonde or brunette STARE at me!  And men don’t stare at me much these days compared to like the old days! It just makes so much sense now.


Online men will email if you are their type. If you email first then you have to randomly email guys till you hit the jack pot and get one whose type you are.  That can lead to a big feeling of rejection.

Physical attraction women get to it later

Women’s general reaction to the fact that men look at physical attractiveness first is that they are shallow pigs.  The Mars and Venus book explains why we feel this way.  Women get attracted to the mental aspect of a man first. That is why women talk with their friends about his profession or personality rather than his body first.  If she is attracted to very smart men, telling her friends that he has a PhD gives them a sense that he may be a good match for her.  A guy will talk about a woman’s shape, color and size to his friends in just the same way and for the same reason.

Women of course eventually consider the physical aspect of attraction, but it just takes us longer. And men eventually consider the mental aspect of attraction but it just takes them longer. So we are no more shallow than each other, we just get their differently.


As they get older men and women may start to see patterns in other aspects of attraction than their starting one. For example, men may realize they have only had good relationships with women who were similar to them mentally in a certain way, like loving sports, Harleys or academic conversations. Women may notice that all their long term boyfriends were tall, thin and brown haired or short, stocky and blonde. For this reason, I think middle aged daters get pickier but also can find matches faster.

The good news is that if a woman holds out for a man whose type she is, according to the Rules Book theory, her early dating experience will be pleasantly heaped with praise about how beautiful she is. And if the match is 4 part, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, she will keep hearing it for the rest of her life.

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