OKCupid Self Summary And Strategy

Here are some tips for using OKCupid that I have gleaned over the two years that I used the site to find my middle aged boyfriend, including how to write a good OKCupid self summary.  Some are from experience and some are from reading blogs. Some tips are just for women and some just for middle aged women.

1. OKCupid Self Summary

A lot of people have trouble writing their OK cupid self summary.  I read that keeping your total profile down to 100 words is best. I agree and find that it forces you to be concise. People get tired of reading too many words in profile after profile.  How do you make a good OKCupid self summary? To start you could just make a list of the cool things that you like to do that you want to share with a partner and then write short sentences about that. Secondly you could make a list of all the unique things about you that people like and talk about that.

Example of an OKCupid self summary:

I recently moved to the area and love to ____, ____ and ___  with my ____.  My job as a ____ is very satisfying to me, but I am looking for someone to ____ and ____ with on the weekends. I tend to be ______ when I ____ and most of my friends find this endearing.

2. Only Important Questions

The best tip I got was to only answer OKCupid questions that are either “somewhat important” or very important” to you. This helps the computer find okcupid summarya good match. When I did this I matched up with my boyfriend within a few weeks after several years of failure. Not saying you will have the same luck, but I think it is important. Skip questions that you do not feel are important for you to find a match.

3. Limit Sex Questions

If you answer sex questions, OKCupid will keep asking you even more and more personal sex questions. If you skip the questions Limit how many you answer to just the ones that are really important to you to keep some a mystery for people to find out later.

I believe that sexual compatibility is very important, and a lot of us middle aged people have learned through the school of hard knocks what happens when you marry someone who is not sexually compatible with you. Dan Savage, a sex and relationship counselor, has been advocating for sexual compatibility to be viewed as just as important as other factors. I totally agree with this and so do most middle aged people who are dating, I have read.  You just don’t want to lay everything out there on the questions right away before you meet and know each other, especially if you are a woman.

4. Get a Great Photo

When deciding to hit on you or not, the main thing people look at is your photo. This is made more evident by recent trends to add a “Tinder-style swipe left or right with photos” feature to most dating sites.

Don’t use a photo that is too old since it forces the person who sees you to hide their anger and disappointment  when they meet you and see you look much older. I like to put the season and year that the photos were taken in the caption since many middle aged women use photos that are 10 years old.  Use 2 or 3 photos, one of face and one of body at the minimum.

5. Update each week

Each time you update a section of your OKCupid profile, it shows up in the feed that people see when they login. It also happens when you answer new questions. Rather than pay to get attention, you can just add an exclamation point or delete an exclamation point once a week during a peak time such as Thursday evening to get more views.

6. Write to Men Who you like who like you

For young women there is no need to write men, they will write you …a lot. But older women have to do a little more chasing. If a guy likes you and you pay for A list, it is ok to write them and get the conversation started. Just don’t seem too eager.

7. Look at their answers and answer more

If you are checking out a person’s answers to see if they are a good match, you may see some questions that seem important to you that you had not seen before. Answer these to make your matches even better.

8. Not more than 100 questions

Don’t answer more than 100 questions. There probably are not 100 questions that you REALLY care about and that will just dilute the matching ability of the program. It also makes it easier to have wrong answers that turn people off from you accidentally.  Do try to answer at least 50 questions so that the program has adequate data, however.  OKCupid is poly dating friendly, so make sure to answer one way or another on your willingness to have an open relationship.

9. Wait To Answer

For women, it is good not to answer a message right away. This is hard to do in our world of instant messages with cell phones. Just try to wait an hour or two before answering the first message at least.  See my article on The Rules for more on this.

10. Don’t Over Message

Also from The Rules, I would advise not to get into long messaging conversations with men. If they haven’t asked you out after 10 exchanges, say you have to run and let them contact you again. Repeat until they set up a date.

11. keep your profile up till committed

Also from The Rules: Don’t take your profile down until you are in a committed relationship. It took me 6 months before I got that, although I was dabbling in poly dating. Keep dating until the man mentions that he wants to be exclusive.

12. Body Type

When filling out body type , for women, put either curvy, average or thin.

That’s all my advice for OKCupid dating. Good luck on your search.


Here are some dating site tips for men.

Read more at Online Dating For Women Over 40: The Hopeful Woman’s 10 Step Guide to Enjoyment and Success

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