When To Sleep With A New Guy: What Date?

If you are a post divorce, middle aged female dater, like I am, you may be wondering when to sleep with a guy; first date, second date, one month, after marriage?  If your answer is “after marriage” then I probably can’t give you any dating advice because I am of the belief that you need to sleep with someone before marriage, but respect other people’s belief system.

If, on the other hand, you are wondering what date, week or month it is best when to sleep with a new guy then maybe my two favorite dating books, Mars and Venus on a Date and The Rules of Dating books,  can help.  It probably has been a long time since you have even had to think about this topic and you may be wondering if things have changed now that you are older and society is more accepting.  My advice is that uou want to find the optimum time when you are still excited about doing it but not terrified that you will regret it, get hurt or never see the guy again.

So the Rules of Dating books and Mars and Venus book pretty much agree.  I will summarize the two advices together and say…..

When to sleep with a new guy rule of thumb is:

Go one base at a time for each date and have no more than two dates per week.

So on the first date you would get a kiss. If you have a randy guy, which to me is a good thing for a middle aged dater, then you may even have to be turning him down for going to one of your places on the first date. For me I would rather be turning them down then worrying that they have lost their interest in physical intimacy all together or have no desire to be with me if I like them.

However, it is tough to say no, especially if you have been intimate with your ex for years and years and are used to having it pretty much when and where you want to and have been through a long dry spell before your date.  But it is better to say no, IMO, then to say yes and then spend the next day or days anxiously wondering if you were a one nighter to the guy.

when to sleep with a new guy

when to sleep with a new guy

Also the Mars and Venus book says that to rush to intimacy creates terror of loss of independence in the man and clinginess in the woman and so the very act of going all the way on the first date kills a relationship.  Sounds logical enough to me although I slept with my “ex” the first night we met on a blind date and we spent every day for the next 21 years together so…..maybe it is more a rule of thumb than a law.

On date two, hands can wander , on date three go to third base and date four you can go all the way if you are sure he is not a player. If you have waited a month he probably is not or he would not put up with it, according to the Rules books.

The Mars and Venus book also says the wait helps the woman trust the man enough to enjoy herself. Good point.

So hopefully these two books have answered the question of when to sleep with a new guy and why the time frame matters.


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